"I was born 21 years ago
on a Sunday, in the afternoon. You would say I don’t like mornings but guess
what I love them, sometimes. I am a morning person indeed. Irony of life..I
went to kinder garden, made friends, I have memories, vivid memories from that
lovely time.. I would always go back to live those moments again. Life should
be like that. Innocent and beautiful!! I went to school.. my parents,
especially my dad, was a school freak. He wanted to have the most intelligent
kids in this world. Me and my brother were always pressured by his words: "Have
you done your homework?” "Have you studied for tomorrow?". It was something new
and normal at the beginning of my school experience. I did what I had been told
to do: be a good girl with very good grades. He was proud of me.
Then I grew
up. I started to understand life. That was the beginning of myself becoming an
adult. It was too soon but it just happened. I didn’t realize at that moment
but my childhood was gone. That was it. I started to think and see things like
an adult. My parents
didn’t realize that. In their eyes I was still the little Madalina, just their
innocent child and they treated me accordingly. That is when I realized that
they hadn’t noticed the new me. So I decided to hide that. I became introvert.
I was in my last 4 years of high school when I decided to step in and speak. I
was still under pressure with school. I had to be a good student. I have always
had a passion for arts: music, dance, painting, photography etc. I wanted to be
one of them, I wanted to be creative. I took up dance classes. It was one of
the best things that I could ever do. I felt complete, happy, excited. I was
me. After 2 years, I started to go every
day to dance classes. My dream came true. I was always there, in the studio.
Of course, my dad didn’t like the idea at all and he was always putting
pressure on me regarding school. I knew that in order to still go to dance
classes I had to have very good results at school and knowing how my dad was I
didn’t want to change the situation so I always did my homework in time.
Sometimes, I chose to do it at school so I can have time to go to the studio. I
was very organized. But because my dad was so obsessed with my results he
didn’t realize that I was doing my best to still be able to go to the studio.
He didn’t like the idea of going there every day because he thought that I was
not interested in school anymore which of course was not true.
But I proved him
wrong when I finished high school with the best grades of all the students. I
was the first one in my school with the best results. I never said anything
regarding my dad’s attitude because I knew he wanted the best for me so I
always tried to do what he wanted to make him happy. I wasn’t really left to express myself so
that’s why I always went to the studio. I was suffocated with school and good
grades but at the same time I couldn’t express what I wanted. I always had a
limit and I couldn’t go beyond it because of that pressure. It was then when I
said "I can’t wait to be 20 so I can do whatever I want and have friends and
have fun.” I felt that I was in a cage but I didn’t blame anyone and still
don’t as I understood my parents. I was mature enough to understand that. It was then when I become obsessed with time.
I wanted it to go faster and faster to be 20 and free. But again I don’t blame anyone.
That is how my parents
were raised. That is what society makes us believe it has to happen. The rule
is that you have to have great school results. That is the normal thing.
Society makes you do things because if you are not a good student you won’t be
able to have a good job so a lot of money. But what happens with what you
really are? Why society doesn’t let people express themselves? Why do we have
to follow the same rule, all of us, every time? Society does not show us how to
express ourselves. "
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